What To Do When Your Teen’s Screen Time Affects Their Academic Performance

When screen time starts interfering with your teen's school performance, it can feel like an uphill battle. You may feel frustrated, worried, or even unsure of how to address this growing issue. As parents, we want to support our teens in making healthy choices, but it can be challenging to know where to start when technology is so deeply ingrained in their lives.

This article offers a practical, evidence-based approach using the COLLABORATE framework to help guide you through this concern and support your teen in building healthier screen time habits, especially related to their academic success.

C – Clear Your Mind

How you approach conversations around screen time and school performance can impact how open your teen is to listening. Starting from a calm, open-minded place allows for a more positive interaction.

ASK YOURSELF:

“Am I calm, cool, and collected?”: If you’re feeling frustrated about your teen’s screen use affecting their grades, take a few moments to ground yourself. Strong emotions can often cause teens to feel defensive or misunderstood, especially if they already sense the pressure about their school performance.

How to clear your mind: Take a few deep breaths, step away from the situation if needed, and remind yourself that this is a common challenge for teens. Returning to the conversation when you're calm can help your teen feel less judged and more supported.

“What assumptions am I making about my teen’s screen time habits?”: Let go of assumptions that might influence your approach. You might be thinking:

• “They don’t care about their grades.”
• “They just don’t understand the effects of too much screen time on their studies.”

How to clear your mind of assumptions: Shift your focus to what you observe rather than assumptions. You may notice things like “They’re often struggling to keep up with homework” or “They seem to be distracted by their devices during study time.” Observing patterns helps you respond more objectively and keeps the conversation productive.

“What solutions have I already decided will work?”: Jumping to solutions like limiting their screen time can feel restrictive to your teen, especially if they haven’t been part of the decision-making. Some common solutions parents come up with that often backfire are:

• Taking away their devices altogether.
• Setting strict curfews on screen time.
• Using monitoring and tracking apps.

How to clear your mind of pre-conceived solutions: Approach this as a shared concern. Focus first on understanding their perspective before suggesting any changes. This mindset helps foster a conversation where your teen feels heard.

O – Open Your Heart

Your perspective on your teen’s screen time habits can shape how you approach the situation.

ASK YOURSELF:

“Am I seeing my teen as a bad person giving me a difficult time or a good person having a difficult time?”:

When we see our teen as someone intentionally misbehaving or making bad choices around screen time, it’s easy to feel frustrated and disappointed. But when we shift to viewing them as a good person struggling with a common challenge, we can approach the situation with more compassion and patience.

How to open your heart to your teen’s situation: Understand that many teens struggle with balancing screen time and schoolwork due to digital distractions. Empathize by acknowledging their challenges. You could say, “I know it can be tough to put screens down, especially when they are more fun than homework.”

“Am I assuming the worst intention or giving them the benefit of the doubt?”: Assuming your teen is simply ignoring the consequences of their actions can feel critical. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, however, can pave the way for healthier conversations.

How to open your heart to their best intentions: Assume they’re doing their best, even if they struggle with managing their time. You might say, “I know you care about your grades; it’s just really hard to balance everything sometimes. Let’s figure out how to make it easier for you.”

“Am I focused on their weaknesses or strengths?”: Focusing on your teen’s screen time as a failure can discourage them from trying to improve.

How to open your heart to their strengths:  Instead of focusing solely on challenges, recognize the positive habits your teen already demonstrates. For instance, if they’re diligent about completing their assignments or have a knack for organization, highlight those strengths. You might say, “I’ve noticed how well you manage your homework; that’s a fantastic skill! Let’s build on that by creating a study schedule that also includes time for relaxation and screens. You’re already doing great things, and I’m here to support you in finding a balance!”

L – Look Beneath the Behavior

Your teen’s screen habits, like frequently checking their phone during homework or getting distracted by social media while studying, often point to deeper struggles rather than just a desire to be on their devices. Focusing solely on limiting screen time without exploring the root causes may lead to ongoing frustration. Teens may turn to screens as a way to cope with stress from school, social pressures, or even feelings of overwhelm. When we concentrate only on stopping their screen use, we might miss opportunities to address what’s really affecting their school performance. As teens grow, strict strategies like enforcing hard limits can feel controlling, often leading to more resistance or secrecy. Instead, let's try looking beyond the behavior to understand their experience.

ASK YOURSELF:

“Am I focused on WHAT my teen is doing or WHY they’re doing it?”

Until the underlying issue is addressed, the behavior may continue or manifest in other ways. Think of it like playing “whack-a-mole”: each time you attempt to restrict screen time, another concern might pop up in response. For example, if you impose strict limits, your teen might find ways to use screens secretly, leading to more conflict. Here are some common reasons teens engage with screens during homework:

• Seeking comfort: Screens can provide a welcome escape from academic stress or social worries.
• Social connection: Teens may use screens to stay connected with friends, especially if face-to-face interaction feels challenging.
• Avoiding discomfort: Engaging with screens can help them avoid confronting stressors or feelings of being overwhelmed by schoolwork.
• Entertainment: For many teens, screens serve as a distraction that may interfere with their focus on homework.

“Am I focused more on how their behavior is impacting ME or how their behavior is impacting THEM?”

It’s easy to get caught up in how your teen’s screen habits disrupt family routines or affect their academic performance. When we view the behavior mainly through our lens of frustration or fear, we risk overlooking its emotional impact on them. Shifting your focus to consider how excessive screen time might be affecting their concentration, stress levels, and overall well-being allows you to better understand the role screens play in their life.

Reframing this way helps you see the bigger picture and opens the door to productive conversations about healthier habits. Rather than reacting to the disruption, you’re working together to address the underlying needs that screens fulfill and finding better ways to meet those needs.

L – Listen with Empathy

Teens may resist discussions about screen time if they feel misunderstood or dismissed. For instance, if you criticize their phone use without acknowledging their reasons for engaging with screens during homework, they might become defensive or disengaged. Listening with empathy is one of your most powerful tools as a parent. When you approach the topic with genuine curiosity, your teen will feel seen and understood, creating a safe space for open discussion. Even if they don’t share their thoughts immediately, every conversation can help build trust. Allowing them to express themselves openly demonstrates your interest in their perspective and reinforces that you’re there to support them.

ASK YOURSELF:

How am I showing my teen that I’m truly listening?

If they sense you’re only focused on setting rules, they might shut down or hide their screen use. For example, if they’re trying to explain how screens help them relax during study breaks and you respond with criticism, you may close the door on future conversations.

How to show your teen they have your full attention:

• Eliminate distractions: Put away your phone, turn off other screens, and find a quiet time to talk. This demonstrates your investment in understanding their experience.
• Use body language: Face them directly, make eye contact, and nod to show you’re engaged with what they’re saying.
• Verbal acknowledgments: Use affirming phrases like “I hear you,” “I can see why that helps,” or “Tell me more,” to encourage them to share their thoughts.

What is their experience with screens like from their perspective?

Try to understand why screens are appealing to them. Do they use screens as a way to relax, escape, or connect with friends during homework sessions? The goal is to see the situation through their eyes so you can address the root of their attachment to screens, rather than just the screen time itself.

How to step into their shoes:

• Recognize their feelings: Screens may feel like a crucial way to unwind or stay connected while managing school demands. Even if you disagree, acknowledge their need for relaxation or connection.
• Understand their beliefs: If they believe you’ll dismiss their reasons for using screens, they may hesitate to share. Show that you’re open to understanding why screens matter to them.
• Acknowledge what’s important to them: Reassure them that you understand screens may feel essential in their life, and that your goal is to support them in finding a balance that promotes their academic success. This builds trust and can open doors to more constructive conversations about their screen habits.

A – Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are crucial for fostering dialogue with your teen about how their screen time affects their academic performance. They encourage self-reflection, provide insight into their thoughts and emotions, and help you gather more context to respond effectively. By avoiding closed questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no," you promote exploration and allow your teen to express themselves without feeling judged or rushed.

Tip: Ask questions that start with “What,” “How,” or “Tell me more about…” to keep the conversation open and exploratory. For example, instead of asking, “Did you finish your homework?” consider asking, “What challenges are you facing with your homework lately?”

Tip: After asking a question, allow time for your teen to process by staying silent. Resist the urge to jump in—let them fill the awkward silence with their own thoughts and responses.

Sample Open-Ended Questions:

• “What do you think makes it easier or harder for you to focus while studying?”

• “How do you feel after a study session? What helps or hinders that experience?”

• “Can you share what your ideal study environment looks like? What elements do you think contribute to your success?”

• “What strategies do you think work best for you when you need to get your homework done?”

• “How do you usually decide when to take breaks while studying? What influences that decision?”

• “What are some things that motivate you to stay on track with your homework?”

• “What do you notice about your energy and focus levels during different study times? Are there times when you feel more productive?”

B – Bridge the Gap

Bridging the gap is where the magic happens! This step is all about making your teen feel heard, seen, and validated, which builds trust, respect, safety, and deeper connections in your relationship. When your teen seems disengaged or resistant to discussing school, it’s essential to create an environment where they feel comfortable opening up.

Reflect Back What You Heard: Reflecting shows your teen that you are genuinely listening, giving them a chance to clarify or elaborate on their feelings about homework and screens. It also helps avoid misunderstandings that can lead to frustration and further withdrawal. For example:

• If your teen mentions feeling distracted while studying, you might say, “So it sounds like it’s tough to concentrate on your homework. Is that right?”
• If they express that they’re overwhelmed with schoolwork, you could say, “It seems like you’re feeling a lot of pressure with your assignments. Did I get that correct?”
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Validate Their Feelings: Validating your teen’s feelings helps them feel accepted and understood, reinforcing their emotional safety. When teens feel their emotions are recognized, they’re more likely to open up about deeper issues. For example:

• If your teen expresses frustration about not being able to spend enough time talking to their friends, you might say, “It sounds like you don't get to talk to your friends as much as you'd like. I can see why that would be frustrating.”
• If they feel overwhelmed by their homework load, you could say, “I understand how that might feel really heavy on your shoulders right now.”

Affirm That You Are on Their Team: This reassures your teen that your goal is to support them, not to judge or control them. When teens know that their parents are in their corner, they are more likely to share their thoughts and feelings openly. For example:

• “I’m here to help you find ways to manage your homework and screen time better, not to judge you.”
• “I want to see you succeed, and I’m here to listen to what you need to make that happen.”
• "I want you to connect with your friends too! Let's figure out how you can do that and still get your schoolwork done."

O – Offer Your Perspective

This is your chance to share your specific worries about why it feels tough when your teen isn’t talking. This step is essential for helping them understand your concerns about their screen time and academic performance, ultimately building trust and respect in your relationship.

Ask Yourself “What Am I Really Worried About?”: It’s important to differentiate between exaggerated fears and genuine concerns. When teens go quiet, it can send parents into a tailspin of anxiety, often leading to misconceptions about what's really happening. For example:

• My teen will fail classes, resulting in poor grades that could jeopardize their chances for college admissions, scholarships, or future career opportunities.
• My teen's lack of focus on school will create a cycle of underachievement, making it difficult for them to break out of it and affecting their work ethic and motivation in the long run.

It's essential to remember that your teen isn't responsible for easing your worries, especially when those concerns stem from "what if" scenarios or worst-case fears. Instead, it's our role as parents to understand the reasons behind their disengagement and distraction.

Express Your Valid Concern: When discussing your worries about your teen getting distracted by their phone, it's crucial to avoid making sweeping statements or jumping to conclusions based on fear. Focus on specific, tangible behaviors that concern you and how those might impact their academic performance. Use “I statements” to communicate your feelings without blaming them, keeping the conversation respectful and constructive.

Tip: Use this template to frame your concerns: “I feel [emotion] when [specific behavior] because [impact].”

Examples:

• "I feel worried when I see you spending too much time on your phone because it makes it harder for you to complete your homework and stay focused on school.”

• “I feel concerned when you’re distracted by your phone while studying because it might impact your grades and your understanding of the material.”

R – Resolve Together

Collaborating with your teen to find a solution and reach an agreement is crucial. Allow space for compromise by remaining open to your teen’s perspective on what might help. This is where the ONE Thing technique comes in. By narrowing it down to one core issue, you can facilitate understanding and resolution.

Ask your teen: “What’s the ONE thing that you need most?” For example:

• “I need to listen to music while I study because it helps me focus better on my homework.”
• “I need to be able to respond to my friends when they text because they’re going through tough times, and I want to support them.”
• “I need to use the alarms on my phone to help me manage my time and stay on track with my assignments.”

Share with your teen: “The ONE thing I need the most is.,. because...” For example:

• “The ONE thing I need the most is to know you are getting your homework done because I want to see you succeed academically.”

• “The ONE thing I need the most is to know the phone isn't distracting you because I care about your focus and well-being.”

• “The ONE thing I need the most is to know you are able to resist the temptation of looking at your phone because I want to support your ability to concentrate and complete your tasks.”

Tip: If it’s challenging to identify the ONE Thing, go beyond surface-level solutions. We often focus on immediate fixes without understanding the underlying needs driving those solutions. By asking "why" multiple times, you can uncover the core emotions and desires that shape your preferences, leading to more meaningful discussions and effective agreements.

• Why do I feel it’s important for my teen to limit their phone use while doing homework? What specific outcomes do I hope to achieve by setting this limit?

• What do I believe is at stake if my teen doesn’t balance their phone use with their homework?
• Why do I feel the need to use my phone while studying? What specific benefits do I think I gain from being on my phone during homework?
• What do I believe I will miss out on if I limit my phone use while doing homework? What are the things I value most that might feel compromised by this limit?

Ask: “How can we meet both of these needs?” Work with your teen to brainstorm solutions that address both needs. Here are some ideas to run by your teen:

• Get them an affordable MP3 player or create a study playlist on a family computer or tablet. Load it with instrumental or low-key music known to enhance concentration. This way, they can listen to their music while studying without the distractions that come from using a phone.
• Schedule designated “check-in” breaks every hour, lasting about five minutes, for your teen to respond to texts and messages. To minimize distractions, encourage them to silence notifications and put their phone in another room during study time. This way, they can fully focus on their homework and use the check-in breaks to engage socially without interruptions.
• Encourage your teen to use a physical timer or a timer application on a laptop or tablet to follow the Pomodoro Technique. They can set the timer for 25 minutes of focused study time, followed by a 5-minute break. This method promotes productivity without relying on their phone. During the breaks, they can stretch, grab a snack, or engage in a quick activity that doesn’t involve their phone, helping them recharge before returning to their studies.

Create an agreement: Write out the agreed-upon solution and outline expectations for both you and your teen. Being precise and specific is crucial to prevent misunderstandings in the future. For example:

• By this Friday, we will purchase a MP3 player and you can create a study playlist that enhances concentration. You can use it during your study sessions starting next Monday.
• We will schedule designated check-in breaks every hour for five minutes to respond to texts, during which you will silence notifications and keep your phone in the kitchen to minimize distractions.
• You will use a physical timer to study for 25 minutes followed by a 5-minute break. During breaks you will do activities without your phone, like playing guitar or grabbing a snack.  Well make sure to have your favorite fruit snacks stocked.

A – Anticipate Obstacles

It’s essential for both you and your teen to anticipate potential challenges together. By doing this, you foster a sense of teamwork and emphasize the importance of honesty in your discussions. If you can identify possible roadblocks ahead of time, you’re better prepared to navigate them when they arise.

Ask your teen: “What might get in the way of sticking to our plan?” or “What would make it hard to follow through?” For example:

• "I might forget about the study time when I get a notification."
• "I could feel tempted to scroll through my social media instead of focusing."
• "I might worry about missing out on what my friends are doing online."

Share obstacles you might encounter. For example:

• "I might forget to remind you about our homework check-ins."
• "I might feel frustrated if I see you distracted during study time."
• "I might say something that feels controlling or discouraging."

Develop a contingency plan: Use the format: "If [name obstacle] happens, we will [list contingency]." For example:

• “If I see that you’re getting distracted, I’ll give you a gentle reminder about our study plan.”
• “If you feel overwhelmed with your homework, let’s agree that you can take a short break to reset your focus.”
• “If I start to feel stressed about your screen time, let’s pause and discuss how we can adjust our approach together.”

T – Trust Your Teen

Fostering independence and self-discipline in teens is essential for their growth, especially when it comes to balancing phone use and schoolwork. Trusting your teen means encouraging them to take ownership of their responsibilities while offering support as needed.

Communicate Trust: Reinforcing your confidence in their ability to manage distractions can empower your teen. Use phrases that affirm their capability to prioritize tasks. For example:

• “I trust you to manage your time well because I know you can find a balance between your studies and social life.”
• “I believe you can set boundaries with your phone, and I’m here to help if you find it challenging.”
• “I trust you to reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed; you don’t have to do this alone.”
• “I know you’ll find ways to focus during study time; I have faith in your judgment.”

Step Back: Allow your teen the space to learn self-management skills. This means resisting the urge to constantly check in or micromanage their study habits. Reflect on these questions:

• “Have I given my teen enough space to develop their own study routine?”
• “Am I allowing them the freedom to make decisions about their phone use and schoolwork?”
• “Am I stepping back enough to let them figure things out on their own?”

Allow Natural Consequences to Play Out: Letting your teen face the outcomes of their choices can teach them accountability. For example, if they choose to scroll on their phone instead of studying and miss an assignment, instead of intervening, you might say, “That stinks! Fortunately, I know you’ll learn from this experience for next time. I’m here if you want to talk about how to prevent this from happening next time." This reinforces their ability to make decisions while knowing you support them.

E – Evaluate Effectiveness

Regularly checking in on how well your strategies are working to address phone distractions is crucial. This is an opportunity to adjust methods and improve communication.

Invite Your Teen to Review: After implementing strategies, ask your teen for their input on how things are going. Keep the conversation light and constructive:

• “Let’s talk about what’s been working for you regarding phone use and studying. What do you think?”
• “How do you feel about our plan to manage distractions? What could we change?”
• “Have you noticed any changes in how you handle your homework and phone use?”

Acknowledge What HAS Worked: Recognize and celebrate any progress made, no matter how small. For instance, if your teen sets a timer and successfully studies for just 20 minutes without checking their phone, acknowledge that effort with enthusiasm: “Wow, I noticed you studied for 20 minutes without distractions! That’s a great start, and I’m really proud of you for sticking to it!”

Encourage 

Accountability: It’s essential for both you and your teen to take responsibility for your communication and actions. If something isn’t working, rather than assigning blame, focus on finding a better approach together: “If our plan isn’t effective, let’s brainstorm other strategies that could work for both of us.”

Adjust if Needed: Foster a discussion about potential changes in strategy: “What adjustments can we make to ensure you feel more comfortable managing your phone use during study time?”

Still Struggling?

• Don’t Give Up Hope! Managing the balance between phone use and schoolwork can be challenging, and it's normal to encounter obstacles.
• Reassess Your Approach: Consider revisiting the COLLABORATE framework with fresh eyes. New strategies may provide insights that can help.
• Seek Professional Help if Necessary: If challenges persist, remember it’s okay to ask for help. Professional guidance can provide valuable tools and strategies that benefit both you and your teen, fostering a more open and trusting relationship.