What To Do When Your Teen is Struggling With Peer Pressure

Navigating peer pressure is something almost every teen faces, and it can push them to make choices that don’t always align with their values. As a parent, it’s hard to watch your teen wrestle with wanting to fit in while you’re concerned about their safety or well-being.

That’s where the COLLABORATE framework comes in—it’s a great way to have meaningful conversations with your teen, offer the support they need, and help them feel more confident in making their own decisions. Here’s how to tackle this tricky subject with empathy and understanding.

C - Center Yourself

Before diving into a conversation about peer pressure, take a moment to ground yourself. Focus on your feelings and intentions. Recognize that your teen may be experiencing intense social dynamics and may need your support more than ever.

Example: Remind yourself of the challenges teens face today, such as social media influences and the desire to fit in. This mindset helps you approach the conversation with compassion rather than judgment.

O - Open Your Mind

Enter the discussion without assumptions or preconceived notions. Avoid the urge to lecture or dismiss your teen’s feelings. Instead, foster an environment where they feel safe to express their thoughts.

Example: You might say, “I want to understand what you’re experiencing with your friends. Can you share what kind of pressure you’re feeling?”

L - Listen Empathetically

Practice active listening by giving your teen your full attention. Show them that you value their perspective and feelings, even if they differ from your own.

Example: Use phrases like, “It sounds like you feel a lot of pressure to go along with what others are doing. That must be tough for you.”

L - Look Beyond the Behavior

Instead of focusing solely on the actions your teen might take, try to understand the underlying motivations. Ask questions that encourage them to reflect on their feelings and the reasons behind their choices.

Example: “What do you think is driving your desire to fit in with your friends? How does that make you feel?”

A - Anticipate Challenges

Discuss potential obstacles your teen might face when resisting peer pressure. Help them brainstorm strategies for dealing with these challenges in advance.

Example: “What do you think could make it difficult for you to stick to your values when you’re with your friends? How can we plan for those moments?”

B - Bridge the Gap

Create a supportive environment where your teen feels comfortable discussing their feelings and decisions. Reinforce that you’re on their side and want to help them navigate these challenges.

Example: “I want you to know that I’m here for you. Let’s talk about what you need from me to feel more confident in your decisions.”

R - Resolve Together

Work collaboratively with your teen to find solutions that address their concerns about peer pressure. Encourage them to express their thoughts on what strategies they believe will help them resist negative influences. Be open to their ideas and provide guidance without being overbearing.

Example: “Let’s come up with a plan together. What boundaries do you think would help you say no to things that don’t align with your values? How can I support you in that?”

E - Evaluate Effectiveness

Follow up on your discussions to evaluate how things are going. Ask your teen how they feel about their choices and whether they feel supported.

Example: “How have you been feeling about the way you’re handling peer pressure lately? Are there any adjustments we should consider?”