5 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Your Teen is Overwhelmed by School

Navigating the pressures of school can be a daunting experience for teens. Whether it’s managing homework, extracurricular activities, or social dynamics, it’s essential for parents to support their teens effectively during overwhelming times.

Here are five common mistakes to avoid when your teen is feeling swamped, along with what to do instead to better help them cope.

1. Minimizing Their Feelings

    Why It Doesn’t Help: Dismissing or downplaying your teen's feelings of stress can make them feel invalidated and alone. They might think you don’t understand what they’re going through, leading to further isolation.
    

   What to Do Instead: Acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, “I can see you’re feeling really stressed. It’s okay to feel this way.” Validate their experiences and let them know you’re there to support them.

2. Pressuring Them to Succeed

    Why It Doesn’t Help: Adding pressure to excel academically can increase anxiety and make them feel as though their worth is tied to their grades. This can lead to a fear of failure.

   What to Do Instead: Shift the focus from grades to effort. Encourage your teen by saying, “I’m proud of how hard you’re trying, regardless of the outcome.” Celebrate small victories and emphasize the importance of learning over perfection.

3. Piling On “Solutions"

    Why It Doesn’t Help: Suggesting additional support options like tutoring, coaching, or therapy can feel like piling on more commitments. This approach may inadvertently send the message that something is wrong with your teen and can increase their stress, making them feel even more overwhelmed.

   What to Do Instead: Rather than adding more responsibilities, ask your teen what they feel they need to help manage their workload. For example, you might say, “What do you think would make things easier for you right now?” Collaborate with them to find solutions that genuinely alleviate pressure instead of increasing it

4. Insisting They Use YOUR Fix

   Why It Doesn’t Help: Forcing your teen to adopt your preferred solutions can lead to resistance and frustration. They may feel that their preferences and learning styles are overlooked, which can diminish their motivation to follow through.

   What to Do Instead: Instead of imposing your fixes, involve your teen in the process of finding solutions. Ask them what strategies they think might work for them. This could include using planners, setting deadlines, or breaking tasks into smaller steps. By encouraging them to take ownership of their time management, you empower them to develop skills that suit their individual needs.

5. Neglecting Self-Care Conversations

    Why It Doesn’t Help: Focusing solely on academic performance without discussing self-care can lead to a neglect of their physical and emotional health. Teens need to understand the importance of balancing work with relaxation.

   What to Do Instead: Initiate conversations about self-care. Suggest activities that help them unwind, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends. You might say, “Let’s take a break and go for a walk or watch a movie together.”

The Bottom Line

Your support can make a significant difference in their ability to manage stress and thrive academically.