Pro Parenting Tip: Take the Lead

We all know the "manager" stage of parenting: choosing their clothes, planning their schedules, even picking their playmates. But as our little ones blossom into teenagers, a different approach is needed. Micromanagement gives way to the power of guidance and leadership.

Here's the difference:

Managers Tell, Leaders Inspire:

• Manager: "Practice the piano for an hour every single day." (Dictates the action without explaining the purpose)
• Leader: "Music is a powerful way to express yourself. Have you thought about setting a goal for that upcoming recital piece? Maybe we can practice some techniques together to help you achieve it." (Focuses on the "why" and offers collaborative learning)

Managers Avoid Risk, Leaders Embrace It:

• Manager: "Why are you considering the debate club? You don't even like talking to a barista." (Focuses on avoiding potential discomfort)
• Leader: "Debate club sounds like a great way to develop your public speaking skills. Even if it feels scary at first, it's a valuable skill to learn. Maybe we can practice some techniques together at home to boost your confidence." (Highlights the growth opportunity and offers support)

Managers React, Leaders Respond:

• Manager: (Sees a failing grade on a math test) "You clearly weren't studying enough! You're grounded!" (Reacts punitively without understanding the root cause)
• Leader: "Hey, I saw your math grade. Is everything alright? Are there specific topics you're struggling with? Maybe we can find a tutor or study buddy who can help you master those concepts." (Responds with support and seeks solutions for future success)

Managers Demand Respect, Leaders Earn It:

• Manager: "You will clean your room because I'm the parent and you will obey me!" (Demands respect through authority)
• Leader: "A clean living space can reduce stress and improve focus. What kind of system could we set up to keep your room organized? Maybe we can even blast some music and make it a fun cleaning challenge!" (Earns respect by valuing their input and working together)

Bottom Line

By leading your teenager, you spark their own internal drive. They gain confidence, independence, and a sense of ownership over their lives.

Dr. Cam's advice is not a substitute for therapy, nor does it indicate that a therapeutic relationship has been established. If you have an urgent concern about your teen's mental health, you can find the appropriate hotline at ​Mental Health Resources for Teens​.