7 Lessons About Grieving the Loss of a Child (That Every Parent Needs to Hear)
Grieving the loss of a child is a journey no parent should ever have to walk—and yet too many do. In this powerful episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with Kristin Schindler, a courageous mother who lost her 21-year-old son, Gavin, to suicide. Kristin opens up about her raw and real journey through grief, what healing has (and hasn’t) looked like for her, and how she’s learning to carry the unbearable weight of loss with hope, compassion, and purpose.
Whether you're walking through your own grief or supporting someone who is, Kristin’s story will touch your heart, validate your pain, and offer strength you didn’t know you had.
No clichés. No quick fixes. Just real, hard-earned wisdom for the hardest journey of all.
1. You Can’t Save Them—Even When You Give Everything
Kristin bravely reminds us of the harsh reality many grieving parents wrestle with: You can do everything "right" and still not prevent tragedy. Loving your child fiercely, being their biggest advocate, and standing beside them doesn’t guarantee outcomes. It's a heartbreaking truth, but learning to release the false belief that we could have "saved" them is essential for healing.
2. Grief Is a Journey, Not a Destination
There is no finish line for grief. Kristin describes it beautifully: grief is a lifelong journey that you learn to travel with. You don’t "move on"—you move forward with it. Some days the weight feels unbearable. Other days, you carry it with more strength. Healing looks different every day, and that’s normal.
3. Don’t Grief-Mask to Make Others Comfortable
Kristin coined the term "grief-masking" to describe the pressure parents feel to hide their sorrow so they don't make others uncomfortable. But bottling up grief doesn’t make it go away—it only makes it heavier. Give yourself permission to feel your grief fully, even when it feels inconvenient or messy. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's necessary.
4. Intentional Acts of Kindness Can Transform Your Healing
Rather than letting holidays be swallowed by sorrow, Kristin’s family honors Gavin’s life with random acts of kindness. They write down what they do and read the notes together, weaving Gavin’s spirit into their traditions. Turning grief into love in action gives the pain somewhere meaningful to go.
5. Choose Joy—Even When It Feels Impossible
Kristin shares how, even amid deep sorrow, intentionally choosing small moments of joy—like laughing with family or watching flowers bloom—helps prevent grief from suffocating the life Gavin would have wanted her to continue living. Joy and grief can coexist. Choosing joy isn't betrayal; it's survival.
6. Reframe the Narrative of Failure
After suicide, it’s instinctual for parents to blame themselves. "Where did I fail?" becomes a constant loop. Kristin urges grieving parents to reject that lie. Loving your child with everything you had is not a failure. Their choice, though devastating, is not a reflection of your worth as a parent.
7. Build Strong “Grief Muscles” Over Time
Kristin likens grief to carrying a toddler—you don’t get lighter; you get stronger. Resilience grows slowly, through every vulnerable conversation, every holiday survived, every memory honored. With time, you learn how to carry grief more steadily, even as it remains a part of you forever.
Final Thoughts
You’re Not Alone—and You’re Not Broken
Grief will change you. It’s supposed to. Kristin’s most powerful advice? Be intentionally gentle with yourself. Let the hard days come without shame. Let joy surprise you without guilt. Speak your child’s name out loud. Love fiercely. And trust that healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means carrying their memory forward with compassion, courage, and grace.
You don’t have to hide your grief to survive it.
You don’t have to move on to honor their life.
You simply have to keep moving—with love.
🎧 Listen Now for More Tips
Want even more strategies for navigating grief and honoring your child’s memory? Tune in to the full episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam featuring Kristin Schindler:
👉 Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart | Audible
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Resources Mentioned in This Episode
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Gavin’s Celebration of Life Tribute Watch on YouTube
