Pro Parenting Tip: Watch Your Pronouns

YOU’re making me really angry!

YOU are such a brat!

Why are YOU doing this to me?

YOU! YOU! YOU!

How do you feel when someone says something like this to you?

Defensive? Angry? Ashamed?

That’s a natural response.

Saying YOU in this way is the same as wagging an accusatory finger at someone.

No one likes to be blamed for someone else’s feelings or reactions.

Especially teens!

They’re going to do whatever they can to deflect and dodge what they perceive as an attack.

This often comes across to us as disrespect, defiance, rudeness, aggressiveness, even apathy (can I get a shoulder shrug?)

This triggers us.

Suddenly we’re going down a path to nowhere good.

This can be prevented if we watch our pronouns.

Rather than focusing on the other person, flip the lens and focus on yourself.

Replace the pronoun “You” with “I.”

I’m getting angry.

I feel disrespected when I hear that tone.

I’m not happy with the way this is going.

When you start with “I,” you can clearly communicate what you’re feeling, convey accountability for your own reaction, and show you’re open to finding a reasonable resolution rather than waging an attack.

Bonus: The best way to teach your teen to take accountability is to model it with your own behavior 😊

THE BOTTOM LINE

Minimize attitude, defensiveness, and disrespect by focusing on how YOU feel rather than what THEY did.