Pro Parenting Tip: Start With YES

If the average toddler hears the word "no" over 400 times a day, I can't fathom how many times a teen hears it.

We say "no" for good reason: to keep our children safe, to set boundaries, and to establish authority.

However, according to Dr. Dan Siegel author of Brainstorm, The Power and Purpose of the Teen Brain , frequently hearing the word "no" can actually change our brain's wiring and impact our outlook on life.

Children who develop what he calls the "no" brain state, often shut down emotionally, go through life with a negative outlook, and avoid learning new things.

On the other hand, children with a "yes" brain state are more resilient, open to new experiences, and "approach life with a positive outlook."

Which means, we want to say yes more.

Does this mean you let your teens walk all over you and cater to their every whim?

Absolutely not.

Instead, turn your “No” into a “Yes.”

Your teen asks if they can hang out with their friend. Rather than saying, "No! Your homework isn't done!" -- which parks resentment, anger, and a hatred for homework.

Say, "Yes! You can hang out with your friend as soon as your homework is done."

The yes response aims for the same end result, however it does it in a way that shows you are on their side and gives your teen control of the outcome. They can decide not to do their homework and therefore not see their friends OR they can do their homework and get to see their friends.

THE BOTTOM LINE

It’s amazing how a simple tweak in the way we phrase something can have a life-long impact on your teen’s mindset and perception of the world.