Pro Parenting Tip: The 5-Minute Rule

If you've been trying to get your teen to do their homework/chores/practice/ ANYTHING but look at their phone or play video games? If nothing seems to work, I have a tip that could help.

It's called the 5-minute rule.

Here's how it works:

Identify the task you want your teen to do (and they don't wanna)

Break it down into the itsiest, bitsiest step you can think of. Something that is so easy that it doesn't require even a smidgen of motivation to do it. Some examples: turn on your computer, sit on the piano bench, open the book. Then ask them to work on the task for JUST 5 MINUTES.

Here's why it works:

The brain does not like to start things that are difficult and/or undesirable (aka homework, chores...). It wants to do what's easy and feels good (aka play video games, scroll on the phone).

The teen brain is even more resistant because their amygdala (the part of the brain that likes to have fun) is far more developed than their pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that says, "if I just do it, Mom and Dad will stop nagging me.")

Everything in the teen brain is trying to avoid doing what it doesn't want to do. Especially since starting means they are doomed for hours of pain and misery. At least in their minds.

Instead, we ask them to do something that requires minimal effort, time, and motivation.

Once they do it, two things can happen:

That small success releases dopamine in their brain, which makes them feel good, and they keep doing it. As much as the brain doesn't like starting something new, it doesn't like stopping something rewarding.

They do at least 5 minutes (which is more than nothing).

If they stop and you jump in with the expectation that they keep going, they won't trust you the next time you say, "just 5-minutes." Now this awesome strategy is rendered useless. If you let them stop, they learn they can trust you. Now tomorrow you can up it to 6 minutes...

If they're still pushing back, break it down even more until it's so easy it's silly NOT to do it.

THE BOTTOM LINE

If you make it ridiculously easy to start, there is a greater chance that they'll finish.