10 Insights Every Parent Needs to Know from Building Resilience in Children and Teens by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

In his book Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings, Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg offers valuable insights into how parents can help teens develop resilience—the ability to bounce back from adversity and thrive despite challenges. As teens face everything from social pressures to academic stress, learning to be resilient is crucial for their emotional well-being and long-term success.

Here are 10 key takeaways from the book that can help you support your teen in building resilience:

1. Teens Need Strong Relationships

At the core of resilience is connection. When teens feel supported and understood by the important adults in their lives, they feel more confident in their ability to navigate the ups and downs of adolescence.

What this means for you: Make sure your teen knows you’re there for them, whether they’re talking about school, friends, or their future. Be present and listen without judgment.

2. Show Them Healthy Ways to Cope with Stress

Teens are faced with pressures from all sides—school, friends, and social media. Teaching them healthy ways to deal with stress is key to building resilience.

What this means for you: Be a role model for healthy coping strategies, like exercise, journaling, or meditation. Encourage them to talk about what’s stressing them out and brainstorm ways to manage it.

3. Help Them Name and Manage Their Emotions

Adolescence is a time of emotional turbulence. Helping your teen understand their emotions and express them in a healthy way can improve their emotional resilience.

What this means for you: Encourage your teen to talk about their feelings without fear of criticism. Help them find ways to regulate their emotions, like taking deep breaths or seeking out a quiet space to think.

4. Create a Sense of Belonging

Teens who feel like they belong—whether in a group of friends, a sports team, or a club—are more likely to be resilient. A strong support network is vital during this time of change.

What this means for you: Support your teen in finding activities where they can connect with others who share their interests. This could be a team, a youth group, or a creative club that boosts their sense of community.

5. Encourage Perseverance (Even When It’s Tough)

Teens need to know that facing challenges is a natural part of growing up. Encouraging perseverance helps them develop a mindset that setbacks don’t define them.

What this means for you: Focus on effort rather than outcomes. Celebrate the small wins and remind them that even mistakes are opportunities for growth.

6. Set Boundaries and Be Consistent

Clear, fair boundaries give teens the structure they need to feel secure. Boundaries teach them what’s expected and help them manage their actions and decisions.

What this means for you: Set reasonable rules around things like curfew, screen time, and chores. Stick to them while being open to discussions about why these boundaries exist.

7. Give Them Space to Solve Problems

Teens often need space to figure things out on their own. Instead of jumping in and solving their problems, empower them to think through solutions independently.

What this means for you: Let your teen come up with solutions to their challenges. Ask guiding questions like, “What do you think you could do next?” to encourage them to think critically and take ownership of their decisions.

8. Support Their Independence

Independence is a key part of resilience. The more teens can make their own choices and learn from their consequences, the more confident they’ll feel in their abilities.

What this means for you: Give your teen opportunities to take on more responsibility. This could be managing their own schedule, making decisions about their social life, or handling small tasks around the house.

9. Encourage Healthy Risk-Taking

Teens need to step outside their comfort zones in order to grow. Healthy risk-taking—whether it’s trying out for a sports team, speaking up in class, or meeting new people—helps them build confidence and resilience.

What this means for you: Support your teen in taking positive risks, even if they’re nervous. Remind them that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable at first, but they can learn and grow from the experience.

10. Always Show Unconditional Love and Support

Above all, teens need to know they are loved unconditionally, no matter what. This reassurance gives them the confidence to face challenges head-on, knowing they have a safe place to turn when things get tough.

What this means for you: Remind your teen that no matter what happens, you love them for who they are, not just for their successes. Show affection and offer your support, especially when they’re struggling.

Raising a resilient teen takes time and patience, but it’s well worth the effort. By focusing on strong relationships, healthy coping strategies, and encouraging independence, you’ll help your teen develop the skills they need to handle challenges, overcome obstacles, and thrive in the years ahead. Your support can make all the difference in how they navigate this critical period of growth.