Pro Parenting Tip: End the Chore Wars

Does getting your teenager on board with chores feel like a never-ending battle?

Here's the secret: ditch the battlefield mentality and try a more collaborative approach.

That's what I did with my teen. The result? Less frustration, more helpfulness, and a teenager who actually contributes (without the theatrics!).

It Just Took Four Simple Changes:

Change 1: Focus on Contribution, Not Control

First, I ditched the "because I said so" approach and framed chores as a way to contribute to the family and keep the household running smoothly.

Change 2: Appreciation is the Magic Ingredient

When Lexy helps out, a simple "thanks, honey, that's a huge help!" goes a long way.

Change 3: Focus on the Wins, Not the Misses

Here's where I used to mess up. The second Lexy finished the dishes, I'd point out a missed spot or two. Big mistake! Highlighting what she did well, like loading the dishwasher, boosted her confidence and made her want to keep up the good work.

Change 4: Collaboration Over Correction

Sometimes, a little guidance goes a long way. If there was room for improvement, I wouldn't nag right away. Later, I'd casually mention a tip that could make the chore easier for her next time. By framing it as a helpful suggestion and giving her a choice, she was much more receptive.

Because she associates chores with feeling good and being helpful, I rarely ever have to ask my daughter to help around the house anymore. In fact, she often volunteers to do additional tasks around the house...just because.

Bottom Line

If you want your teen to help more, try associating it with feeling GOOD rather than feeling bad.