How to Get Your Teen Out of Their Room!

The #1 reason teens tell me they hide in their rooms is to avoid conflict.

This usually happens when we ask them to do things they’d rather not—like chores or homework—or to stop doing things they enjoy, like being on their phones or chewing with their mouths open. 📱😬

I get that these requests are totally reasonable!

 But I also understand why teens want to avoid them.

 No one likes being told what to do or criticized! 😅🙈

 So, what can you do about it? 🤔

Here are a few strategies to encourage your teen to reemerge and spend time with the family.

1. Be Intentional with Family Time

Intentionality is key when it comes to connecting with your teen. Plan activities that focus on creating enjoyable moments without the pressure of expectations. Here are a few ideas:

• Game Night: Host a weekly game night with board games or video games your teen enjoys. This gives them something to look forward to and allows for relaxed interaction.

  Example Script: “Hey [Teen’s Name], I was thinking we could have a game night this Friday. How about you pick a game you love, and I’ll bring the snacks? It could be fun!”

• Movie Marathon: Choose a theme or series for a movie marathon, complete with snacks and cozy blankets. It’s an excellent way to spend time together without overwhelming them.

  Example Script:  “I’ve been wanting to watch that new superhero movie. Want to make it a movie marathon weekend? We could grab some popcorn and make a cozy fort in the living room!”

• Cooking Together: Invite your teen to help with meal prep. Cooking together can be a fun way to bond and gives them a sense of ownership over the meal.

  Example Script:  “I’m planning to make tacos for dinner. Would you like to help me prepare? I could use a hand, and we can listen to music while we cook!”

2. Create a Relaxed Environment

Sometimes, the pressure to engage can be a deterrent for teens. By fostering a chill environment, you can encourage them to spend time with the family. Here are some ways to do that:

• Limit Criticism: Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong, celebrate their achievements, however small.

  Example Script:   “I noticed you cleaned up your room today. Great job! It looks awesome in there."

• Open Communication: Make it clear that your home is a safe space for open dialogue. Encourage them to express their feelings and frustrations without fear of judgment or criticism. Then do NOT judge or criticize  - remember, actions speak louder than words!

  Example Script:  “I want you to know that it’s okay to talk to me about anything you’re feeling. No judgment here. I’m just here to listen if you ever want to share.”

• Be Present: Sometimes, simply being in the same space can make a difference. Consider doing your own activities in the common areas, like reading or working on a hobby, to signal that you’re available without being pushy.

  Example Script:  “I’m going to read in the living room for a bit. If you want to join me, I’d love the company, but no pressure!”

   

3. Lead by Example

Teens are more likely to follow your lead than to respond to directives. Show them that family time can be enjoyable and fulfilling.

• Participate in Family Activities: Whether it’s going for a walk, attending community events, or participating in family game nights, show enthusiasm.

  Example Script:  I just found out there’s a local fair this weekend! I think it would be really fun to go with you. What do you think?”

• Limit Your Own Screen Time: If you want your teen to step away from their devices, consider reducing your screen time as well. Engage in activities together that promote connection.

  Example Script:  “I’m putting my phone away for a couple of hours tonight. Let’s do something together! Any ideas?”

   

4. Encourage Small Steps

Rather than expecting your teen to jump right into a family gathering, encourage gradual participation:

• Set Small Goals: Start with brief, low-pressure family interactions, like sharing a meal together or having a short chat. Gradually increase the time spent together as they become more comfortable.

• Offer Choices: Allow your teen to have a say in family activities. Ask them what they’d like to do together or let them pick a movie for family night.

  Example Script:  “I want to plan something fun for us this weekend. What do you think about a movie night? You can pick the movie!”

   

5. Be Patient and Understanding

Change takes time, and it’s important to approach this transition with empathy. Understand that your teen may still need moments of solitude as they navigate their growing independence.

• Acknowledge Their Need for Space: Let your teen know that you respect their desire for privacy. This balance can make them feel valued and more willing to join the family when they feel ready.

  Example Script:  “I totally get that you need time alone sometimes. Just know that I’m here whenever you want to hang out.”

• Check-In Regularly: Periodically ask them how they feel about family time. This shows you care about their perspective and are willing to adjust your approach.

  Example Script:  “I’d love to hear how you feel about family time lately. Is there anything we can do to make it better for you?”

The Bottom Line

Getting your teen out of their room and fostering family connections requires patience, understanding, and intentionality. But with time, you may find your teen not only coming out of their room but also actively seeking out those family moments.