7 Genius Conflict Strategies Every Parent of Teens Needs (From a Harvard Negotiation Expert)
Are you tired of daily battles with your teen that leave you drained and disconnected?
Many parents feel stuck between yelling, giving in, or walking away. But there’s a better way.
In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, Harvard Law negotiation expert Bob Bordone shares actionable tools that parents can use today to transform conflict into connection. These aren’t abstract theories—they're real strategies rooted in science and proven through years of practice with global leaders, now adapted for your family.
Discover how to stop the fighting, rebuild trust, and raise teens who can handle disagreement with confidence and maturity.
7 Genius Conflict Strategies Every Parent of Teens Needs
1. Pause First, React Later
When conflict sparks, resist the urge to jump in. Instead, name your emotion internally—“I’m feeling frustrated”—to calm your brain.
Why It Works: Affective labeling, backed by UCLA research, helps reduce emotional intensity and moves you from reaction to reflection.
Action Tip: Take a breath and silently name what you're feeling before responding. Even a 5-second pause can shift the outcome.
2. Lead With Curiosity, Not Control
Replace “Because I said so” with open-ended questions like, “What’s going on for you right now?”
Why It Works: Curiosity defuses defensiveness. It shows your teen you care about their perspective, which opens the door to collaboration.
Action Tip: Ask one open-ended question before offering your opinion. Listen to understand, not to respond.
3. Reframe Conflict as a Connection Opportunity
Don’t avoid disagreement—lean in with purpose. Model that conflict is part of healthy relationships.
Why It Works: Teens learn emotional regulation and negotiation by seeing it modeled at home.
Action Tip: Say, “It’s okay for us to disagree. Let’s figure this out together.”
4. Move From Positions to Interests
Instead of arguing over rules (position), explore the why behind them (interest).
Why It Works: This shift allows for creative solutions that honor both your teen’s needs and your boundaries.
Action Tip: Ask, “What’s important to you about this?” and share your own reasoning too.
5. Use the Bigger, Better Offer (BBO)
When your teen is stuck in a behavior loop (like gaming), help them identify a more rewarding alternative.
Why It Works: Neuroscience shows motivation increases when the brain sees a better reward.
Action Tip: Use Judd Brewer’s BBO approach by asking, “What could we do that would feel even better than this right now?”
6. Co-Create the Solution
Invite your teen to help brainstorm solutions instead of enforcing top-down rules.
Why It Works: Teens are more likely to follow through on agreements they helped shape.
Action Tip: Say, “Let’s come up with a plan together that works for both of us.”
7. Normalize Differences and Teach Repair
Let your teen know that arguments don’t damage the relationship—they help you grow together.
Why It Works: Teens need to learn that relationships aren’t about avoiding conflict, but about repairing and reconnecting.
Action Tip: After a disagreement, check in: “Hey, we got through that. I’m proud of us.”
Final Thoughts
Conflict doesn’t have to mean chaos. With the right strategies, it can be the doorway to deeper trust, emotional growth, and a stronger bond with your teen. As Bob Bordone shares, learning to navigate disagreement isn't just about peace at home—it’s about preparing your teen for life. Start practicing one of these strategies today and watch your relationship shift.
🎧 Listen Now for More Tips
Want even more strategies for handling conflict and reconnecting with your teen? Tune in to the full episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam for expert advice from Bob Bordone.
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