5 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Teen Won't Talk to You

When your teen starts shutting down and refusing to talk, it can feel frustrating and confusing as a parent. You want to connect with them and offer support, but sometimes the harder you try, the more distant they become.

The good news is, there are common mistakes many parents make in these moments—and by avoiding them, you can create a more open, trusting environment where your teen feels safe to share.

Here are five mistakes to avoid and what to do instead.

1. Pushing Too Hard

• Why it’s a mistake: Constantly asking your teen to talk can make them feel pressured and push them further away. They may feel overwhelmed and less inclined to open up.
• What to do instead: Give them space. Let them know you're available when they’re ready to talk. A simple, "I'm here if you need me" can reassure them without pressure.

2. Being Judgmental

• Why it’s a mistake: Teens fear being judged or criticized, which can make them shut down. If they feel like they’re going to be scolded, they’ll avoid opening up.
• What to do instead: Replace judgment with curiosity. Focus on listening and understanding their perspective. Try saying, "I’m curious to know how you feel about this," rather than offering your opinion right away.

3. Turning Conversations Into Interrogations

• Why it’s a mistake: Bombarding your teen with a barrage of questions can feel overwhelming and intrusive, making them pull back even more.
• What to do instead: Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share at their own pace. For example, “What’s been on your mind lately?” is more effective than firing off multiple specific questions.

4. Overreacting

• Why it’s a mistake: If your teen sees you react with shock, anger, or disappointment, they may avoid coming to you in the future, fearing your response.
• What to do instead: Stay calm, even if what they share surprises or upsets you. Take a deep breath and offer support, saying something like, “Thanks for telling me. Let’s work through this together.”

5. Dismissing Their Feelings

• Why it’s a mistake: Minimizing or brushing off their emotions makes them feel unheard and invalidated, which can build a wall between you.
• What to do instead: Validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them. You could say, “I can see why you’d feel that way. I’m here to listen.”

THE BOTTOM LINE

By avoiding these common mistakes and focusing on creating a safe, supportive space, your teen is more likely to open up and share what’s on their mind.