5 Proven Strategies for Parenting a Defiant Teen (That Actually Work)
Are consequences just... not working with your teen? You're not imagining it. And you're not alone.
In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I’m joined by psychologist and author Dr. Paul Sunseri, who’s spent over 40 years helping families navigate the emotional rollercoaster of raising strong-willed kids. He’s the author of Gentle Parenting Reimagined and the founder of Intensive Family-Focused Therapy (IFFT).
He shared the science behind teen defiance—and, more importantly, the proven parenting strategies that actually help.
5 Proven Strategies for Parenting a Defiant Teen (That Actually Work)
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Stop Trying to “Fix” Your Teen—Focus on the Interaction
Defiance isn’t just about your teen’s behavior. It’s about how you respond to it. Shifting your own approach—especially in high-emotion moments—can interrupt power struggles and open the door to healthier communication. -
Use Calm, Matter-of-Fact Communication
Yelling teaches teens to tune you out. Dr. Sunseri recommends "mitigated speech"—a calm, respectful tone that helps teens respond to your reasonable voice, not your angry one. -
Connect Privileges to Responsibilities—Without Power Struggles
Instead of using screen time as a threat, reframe it as a privilege tied to specific responsibilities. This builds intrinsic motivation and accountability—without damaging trust. -
Be Patient—Behavior Change Takes Time
Change won’t happen overnight. Expect resistance and stay consistent. Teens test limits to see if we’ll hold them. When we do—with calm confidence—it builds security. -
Hold High Expectations With Compassion
When teens know we believe in them, they rise to meet the challenge. Let them fail, struggle, and try again. That’s how they develop grit, resilience, and real self-confidence.
Final Thoughts
The most powerful parenting shift? Letting go of control to build deeper connection. As Dr. Sunseri says, "Kids feel better when they do better"—and that starts with how we show up as parents.
🎧 Listen Now for More Tips
Want even more strategies for navigating defiance and building lasting connection with your teen? Tune in to the full episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam featuring Dr. Paul Sunseri:
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Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
