7 Things You Need to Know Before Talking to Your Teen About Porn

Few topics make parents more uncomfortable than pornography. Yet if you don’t talk to your teen about it, someone else will—the internet, their friends, or even kids on the bus. Pretending your teen won’t encounter porn isn’t realistic; nearly every child will see it at some point. The question isn’t if they’ll be exposed—it’s how prepared you are to guide them through it.

In a recent episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I spoke with author, speaker, and mom of four Greta Eskridge, who has dedicated her work to helping families navigate conversations about pornography with honesty and compassion. Before you sit down with your teen, here are seven things every parent needs to understand.

1. Curiosity Is Normal—Don’t Demonize It

When a teen encounters pornography, it doesn’t mean they are “bad,” “broken,” or addicted. Curiosity about sex is a natural part of human development. What often makes it harmful is not the curiosity itself but the shame that surrounds it. If you frame their interest as evidence of failure, your teen will likely shut down and hide their struggles.

Instead, acknowledge their curiosity as normal while also guiding them toward truth, context, and healthier ways to explore questions about sexuality.

2. Your Reaction Will Set the Tone

The first seconds after you discover your teen has seen or searched for porn are crucial. If you respond with shock, anger, or panic, you communicate that this topic is unsafe to discuss with you. That reaction may feel natural, but it often closes the door to future honesty.

Choosing calm body language and a steady tone—even if you need to step away and collect yourself first—tells your teen you are a safe person to come to.

3. Separate Their Story From Yours

Many parents carry their own baggage when it comes to pornography. Perhaps you were exposed at a young age, struggled with it in your own life, or experienced betrayal in a relationship because of it. Those experiences can make you react more strongly to your child’s exposure.

But your teen’s story is not your story. If you approach them through the lens of your own pain, you risk confusing their curiosity with your trauma. Take a moment to separate the two so you can respond with clarity and compassion.

4. Don’t Go In Cold—Prepare Yourself First

Difficult conversations go better when you’ve done some pre-work. That means educating yourself about how pornography impacts the brain and relationships, practicing your responses, and clarifying your ultimate goals.

If you enter the conversation unprepared, you may default to lecturing or punishing, which rarely works. Preparation allows you to approach the discussion as a guide, not a judge.

5. Make It a Conversation, Not a Confrontation

Teens shut down quickly when they feel interrogated. A barrage of questions—“Why did you do this?” “How long have you been watching?”—feels more like an interrogation than a dialogue.

Instead, use open-ended, curious questions that show you care about their perspective. Ask what drew them in, how it made them feel, and what questions they have. The goal isn’t to collect evidence but to open a door to deeper understanding.

6. Expect Discomfort—And Keep Talking Anyway

Parents often wait until they feel “ready” to have this talk, but if you wait for comfort, you may wait forever. These conversations are uncomfortable by nature, and that’s okay.

Normalize ongoing, smaller conversations instead of one big “serious talk.” Use opportunities in daily life—like a TV scene, a news article, or a billboard—as springboards to bring up ideas about objectification, respect, and consent. The more you talk, the less intimidating it becomes for both you and your teen.

7. Repair Is Always Possible

What if you’ve already blown it—yelled, shamed, or lectured your teen in the past? All is not lost. In fact, repair is one of the most powerful parenting tools. Teens deeply respect honesty and humility.

Go back and admit where you mishandled things. Say, “I realize I didn’t respond well. I was scared, not angry at you. I’m sorry, and I want to do better.” That vulnerability models responsibility and reopens the lines of communication.

Final Thoughts

Pornography is everywhere, but that doesn’t mean you are powerless as a parent. The key is to prepare yourself first—emotionally, mentally, and practically—so you can show up as calm, curious, and connected. When you do, you turn what could be a moment of disconnection into an opportunity for trust and growth.

You don’t have to be perfect to have this conversation. You only need to be willing, prepared, and present.

Listen Now for More Tips

For more practical scripts and real-world examples, tune in to the full episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam featuring Greta Eskridge.

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