Pro Parenting Tip: Put Down Your Racket 🎾

PARENT: Timmy, have you finished your book report yet?

TEEN: Mom, it's not due 'til Friday.

PARENT: You don't want to wait until the last minute. Why don't you just get it done?

TEEN: I don't feel like it now.

PARENT: I don't care if you feel like it. It needs to be done. Go do it!

TEEN: But Moooommmm, it's not due for days. Plus, it's not even worth that many points.

PARENT: Even if it's not worth any points, I want you to get it done. NOW!

TEEN: That's stupid. Why?

PARENT: Because I said so!

TEEN: Mooooom. No!

PARENT: That's it. No more video games until it's done.

TEEN: What?! That's so unfair.

PARENT: I mean it. If you don't go do it right now, I'm taking your phone too.

TEEN: You're so mean. You don't get it!

Does this back and forth and back and forth and back and forth sound familiar?

Ever wonder how a simple question can quickly snowball into a heated showdown?

It’s because you keep hitting the ball back 🎾.

Your teen is going to try to get out of something they don't want to do. It's natural! All humans try to avoid unpleasant experiences.

When they can't, their brain reads "danger" and triggers the fight or flight response. In this situation, it's usually FIGHT!

Their emotions are heightened.

They hit the ball back at us.

Our emotions go up a notch to match.

We hit the ball back to them.

The longer the volley goes on, the more emotional we get.

The more emotional we get, the less we're able to think rationally and productively.

Remember, in this back and forth, the ONLY person that has the fully developed pre-frontal cortex and experience to calm things down is YOU!

So put down your racket.

Let them know how important it is to YOU for them to do their homework/task/whatever it is you want them to do. Remind them matter-of-factly, succinctly, and clearly what the consequence is if they don't complete it and leave it at that.

PARENT: Timmy, I understand you don't feel like doing your homework. I get it. I just want you to pass the class, so you're not stuck having to make it up in summer school. That's 100% up to you.

Now it's up to them to either do the work or deal with the consequences.

Score: Love-Love!