Recognizing and Addressing Self-Harm in Teens: What Every Parent Should Know

Self-harm in teens is more common than many parents realize—and it’s often misunderstood. If you’re worried your teen may be engaging in self-harm, you’re not alone. The good news? There are clear signs to watch for, and effective ways to help.

What Is Self-Harm?

Self-harm, also called non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is when a teen deliberately hurts themselves as a way to cope with emotional distress. It’s not about seeking attention—it’s about trying to manage overwhelming emotions. The most common forms include:

• Cutting

• Burning

• Scratching

• Hitting oneself

• Picking at wounds to prevent healing

• Hair pulling (trichotillomania)

Why Do Teens Self-Harm?

Self-harm isn’t the problem—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional pain. Teens may self-harm to:

• Relieve intense emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety

• Feel a sense of control when life feels chaotic

• Distract from emotional pain with physical pain

• Express feelings they struggle to put into words

• Punish themselves due to guilt or low self-esteem

Signs Your Teen May Be Self-Harming

Teens often hide self-harm, but there are warning signs:

• Unexplained cuts, burns, or bruises, often on the arms, thighs, or stomach

• Wearing long sleeves or pants even in warm weather

• Frequent “accidents” or vague explanations for injuries

• Blood stains on clothing, tissues, or bedding

• Sharp objects (razors, glass, safety pins) in their room or belongings

• Emotional withdrawal, secrecy, or sudden mood changes

• Low self-esteem or self-critical statements

How to Respond if You Suspect Self-Harm

1. Stay Calm and Supportive

Your reaction matters. If you find out your teen is self-harming, avoid reacting with anger or panic. Instead:

• Take a deep breath and remain composed.

• Let them know you care and want to understand.

• Avoid blame or shame—self-harm is a coping mechanism, not a behavior to be punished.

2. Start the Conversation

Bringing it up can feel uncomfortable, but it’s crucial. Try:

• "I’ve noticed some marks on your arms. I’m not here to judge, but I want to understand what’s going on."

• "I know you’ve been dealing with a lot. Can we talk about how you’re feeling?"

• "I’m here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone."

3. Seek Professional Help

Self-harm is a sign your teen is struggling with emotional pain they can’t manage alone. A mental health professional can:

• Identify underlying causes (anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.).

• Teach healthier coping skills.

• Help your teen work through difficult emotions.

• Address any co-existing mental health conditions.

4. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies

Since self-harm is a way to cope, your teen needs safer alternatives. Encourage:

• Physical alternatives: Squeezing ice cubes, using a stress ball, or tearing paper.

• Creative outlets: Journaling, painting, music, or dance.

• Mindfulness & relaxation: Deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.

• Physical activity: Running, biking, or any movement that releases tension.

5. Create a Safe Environment

• Remove or limit access to sharp objects if possible.

• Encourage open communication—your teen should feel safe discussing their emotions.

• Be patient—recovery takes time, and relapses can happen.

When to Worry About Suicide Risk

While self-harm itself isn’t always linked to suicidal intent, it does increase the risk. Watch for:

• Talk of feeling hopeless, worthless, or like a burden.

• Withdrawal from loved ones and activities.

• Giving away belongings or saying goodbye in a way that feels final.

• Expressing thoughts of death or suicide.

If you suspect your teen is suicidal, seek immediate help:

• Call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.).

• Take them to the nearest emergency room.

• Contact a mental health professional immediately.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

It’s heartbreaking to discover your teen is self-harming, but they can heal with the right support. Your role isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to be a safe, nonjudgmental presence in their life. With professional help, healthy coping strategies, and your unwavering support, your teen can find better ways to manage their emotions and move toward healing.

If you’re worried about your teen, don’t wait—reach out to a professional today. Help is available, and healing is possible.