5 Things You Need to Stop Doing If You Want Your Teen to Open Up to You

Building a strong, open relationship with your teenager can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield. While you want to foster a safe space for communication, certain behaviors can inadvertently push your teen away.

If you want to encourage your child to open up more, here are five behaviors to avoid—and what you can do instead.

1. Judging & Criticizing

When teens feel judged, they often shut down. Instead of offering a critique, try to approach conversations with curiosity. Instead of saying, “Why would you do that?” you might ask, “What made you choose that option?” This shift in tone can help your teen feel understood and respected.

2. Interrogating

Bombarding your teen with rapid-fire questions can feel overwhelming and push them away. Instead of interrogating, opt for open-ended questions that encourage dialogue. For instance, instead of asking, “Did you finish your homework?” try, “How did your homework go today?” This allows your teen to share at their own pace, making it easier for them to open up.

3. Overreacting

Strong reactions can cause teens to hesitate before sharing their thoughts and feelings. Staying calm—even when what they share is shocking or upsetting—will help maintain a safe space for them to express themselves. Practice deep breathing or take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding to keep the conversation constructive.

4. Dismissing Their Feelings

Brushing off your teen's emotions can make them feel unheard and invalidated. Instead of saying, “It’s not a big deal,” try to acknowledge their feelings. For example, you could say, “I can see that this is really bothering you. Want to talk about it?” This approach shows empathy and encourages your teen to share more.

5. Giving Unsolicited Advice

Offering advice when it hasn’t been asked for can come across as mistrust or condescension. Instead, create an environment where your teen feels supported and knows they can approach you when they need guidance. You might say, “I’m here if you need any help or want to brainstorm ideas together.”

The Bottom Line

Building trust takes time but being mindful of how you communicate can make a significant difference.