What to Say (and NOT Say) When Your Teen is Heartbroken

You remember your first heartbreak, right? The punch-in-the-gut feeling, the tears, the belief that you’d never recover?

Now imagine going through all that with raging hormones, a developing brain, and parents who either dismiss it or panic.

That’s what our teens are dealing with. And how we respond to their first love—and first heartbreak—can make or break the trust we’ve built with them.

In this powerful episode of the Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam podcast, I sit down with journalist, professor, and mom Lisa A. Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. Together, we unpack the messy world of teen dating—and how parents can be their teen’s anchor through the emotional storm.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here → 
(Search Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam wherever you get your podcasts)

Why Teen Relationships Matter (Yes, Even the Cringey Ones)

It’s easy to brush off teen love as "puppy love"—until you see your teen curled up in bed for days, refusing to go to school, crying over a breakup you didn’t even know was “serious.”

Here’s what Lisa Phillips and I want every parent to know:
First love is a formative experience. It helps shape how teens see themselves, how they expect to be treated, and how they show up in future relationships.

Even if the relationship only lasted two weeks.
Even if they never held hands.
Even if you never met the person.

What feels small to us can feel life-altering to them.

What NOT to Say When Your Teen Is Heartbroken

Let’s start with a few well-meaning phrases that shut teens down fast:

• “You’ll get over it.”

• “They didn’t deserve you.”

• “This is why I didn’t want you dating in the first place.”

• “It’s just a crush.”

• “You think that’s bad? Let me tell you about my first heartbreak…”

Each of these sends the message: Your feelings aren’t valid. Your pain doesn’t matter. I can’t handle your truth.

And when teens get that message?
They stop talking.

5 Things to Say Instead (That Actually Help)

1. “That sounds really painful. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Validate before offering advice. Show them you can handle their big emotions without trying to fix them.

2. “Take your time. Then we’ll figure out what comes next.”
Give them space to grieve—but also gently guide them back into life when they’re ready. Avoid rushing their healing.

3. “When you were with them, did you feel more like yourself or less?”
This question, based on the self-expansion model, helps teens reflect on how the relationship impacted them rather than how it ended.

4. “You’re going to get through this. And I’ll be right here while you do.”
This is resilience-building at its best. They don’t need you to protect them from hard things—they need to know they won’t go through it alone.

5. “Want to hear about my first heartbreak?”
When shared briefly and empathetically, your own story can normalize their experience—just don’t hijack the conversation.

What If You Don’t Like Who They’re Dating?

Yep, we went there too.

Lisa and I talked about what to do when your teen is dating someone you really don’t approve of—and how saying the wrong thing can push your teen further into that relationship.

If you attack the relationship, your teen will defend it.
If you judge their choice, they’ll stop sharing.
If you shame them, they’ll hide things—even when it gets dangerous.

So what can you do?

• Ask questions that encourage critical thinking (not criticism)
• Use phrases like “That’s interesting. What does that tell you about how you want to be treated?”
• Stay curious. Stay calm. Stay connected.

What Teens Learn from First Love

Here’s something powerful Lisa shared that stuck with me:

“First loves don’t build the house—but they furnish it. They add color, emotion, and experience. Even the hard parts help shape who we become.”

Our job as parents isn’t to redecorate for them—it’s to give them the tools to decide what they want to keep, what they want to toss, and how to move forward stronger.

The Bottom Line

You can’t protect your teen from heartbreak.
But you can be the one they turn to when it hits.
And that matters more than you think.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to:

• Support your teen through love and loss (without losing your mind)

• Help them build confidence and emotional insight through relationships

• Keep communication open—even when you're worried

• Show up as the calm, nonjudgmental guide they actually need

🎧 Listen now to: “Supporting Your Teen Through Love, Heartbreak, and All the Feels”

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart | Audible | YouTube

💡 Bonus Resource:

Grab Lisa A. Phillips’ book, First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak

➡️ Buy the book (Use code RLFANDF30 for 30% off at Rowman.com)