7 Words to Drop from Your Parenting Vocabulary (And What to Say Instead)

What you say to your teen matters—and these 7 common words may be doing more harm than good.

As parents, we want to raise strong, self-aware, emotionally healthy teens.
But sometimes, the language we use—without even realizing it—can shut down connection, increase shame, and make our kids feel like there’s something wrong with them.

Words shape how teens see themselves. They can either help teens feel understood… or make them feel judged.

Here are 7 common words to drop from your vocabulary—and what to say instead—to better support your teen’s growth, motivation, and mental health.

1. Anxiety

Feeling anxious is a normal, healthy part of being human. But “having anxiety” is a diagnosable mental health condition.

When we casually label normal stress as “anxiety,” we can unintentionally send the message that everyday challenges are dangerous—or that something is wrong with feeling this way.

Instead, try:

• “It makes sense you feel nervous.”

• “This feels uncomfortable, doesn’t it?”

• “You’re unsure right now—and that’s okay.”

Why it matters: This normalizes discomfort and helps teens learn to tolerate hard emotions instead of fearing them.

2. Depression

Yes, some teens are truly struggling with clinical depression—and it’s critical to take that seriously.
But sadness, lack of motivation, and feeling “meh” sometimes? That’s also part of being a human.

When we call normal emotional lows “depression,” we make those feelings seem abnormal, dangerous, or shameful.

Instead, try:

• “You seem down today—want to talk about it?”

• “It’s okay to feel sad. I’m here.”

• “Low moods are part of life. Let’s ride it out together.”

Why it matters: It helps teens build emotional resilience and trust their ability to handle life’s ups and downs.

3. Lazy

When your teen avoids chores, procrastinates homework, or zones out for hours—it’s tempting to slap the “lazy” label on them. But here’s the truth: motivation isn’t about compliance. It’s about meaning.

Teen brains are wired to explore, connect, and seek autonomy—not scrub toilets on command.

Instead, try:

• “What’s getting in the way of starting this?”

• “How can I support you in getting this done?”

• “What would make this feel more manageable?”

Why it matters: Labeling teens as “lazy” makes them feel defective. Naming what’s behind the behavior builds problem-solving skills and motivation.\

4. Entitled / Selfish

All humans—teens included—have needs and wants. The difference is, teens are still learning how to express theirs while considering others.

Calling them entitled or selfish turns a teachable moment into a character judgment.

Instead, try:

• “I see why this matters to you. Let’s talk about how it impacts others too.”

• “Let’s figure out how to meet both of our needs here.”

• “Can we look at this from another person’s point of view?”

Why it matters: This builds empathy without shaming their desire to advocate for themselves.

5. Disrespectful / Defiant

When a teen talks back, slams a door, or challenges your rules—it feels like defiance. But often, it’s them trying to express a boundary, frustration, or emotion they don’t know how to communicate well (yet).

Instead, try:

• “It sounds like you're upset. Let’s take a breath and try again.”

• “I want to hear what you’re trying to say—even if I don’t love how you said it.”

• “You can disagree with me and be respectful at the same time. Let’s work on both.”

Why it matters: It teaches emotional regulation without shutting down their voice.

6. ADHD (without diagnosis)

It’s common to say things like “He’s so ADHD” when a teen forgets something or gets distracted. But ADHD is a clinical diagnosis—not a catch-all for normal adolescent behavior.

Teen brains are still developing the areas responsible for focus, planning, and impulse control.

Instead, try:

• “You’re having trouble focusing right now—let’s figure out why.”

• “Staying organized is a challenge for a lot of teens. Let’s work on a system together.”

Why it matters: It avoids pathologizing normal growth and keeps the door open for support without shame.

7. Addiction

Yes, some teens truly struggle with problematic technology use. But throwing around the word “addicted” every time your teen checks their phone can create fear, shame, and defensiveness—not motivation to change.

Research shows that true clinical addiction is rare in teens. What’s more common? Escaping discomfort, boredom, or overwhelm.

Instead, try:

• “How do you feel after spending time online?”

• “Let’s talk about finding a better balance.”

• “What’s your goal for screen time this week?”

Why it matters: It encourages reflection and builds healthy habits—without power struggles.

The Bottom Line

Words matter.

And as parents of teens, the words we choose can either build trust and resilience—or break it.

Dropping labels like “lazy,” “entitled,” or “addicted” doesn’t mean letting your teen off the hook. It means giving them the tools to grow without shame. It means guiding instead of judging.
And it means helping your teen see themselves as capable, not broken.

Because your teen isn’t a diagnosis. They’re a work in progress—just like the rest of us.